That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
