It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
