Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
