but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
