why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize