GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
