Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
