Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
