the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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