I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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