get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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