i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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