I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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