don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
