you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
