somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
