We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
