I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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