In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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