2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
