he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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