So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
