Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
