just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
