Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
