I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
