Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
