if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
