god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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