my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
