Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
