I need help removing her.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
