the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
