Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
