My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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