READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
