There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
