Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well you can't waste a boner
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
