Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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