I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
