We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
