I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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