I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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