If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
