his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
