yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
