At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
