I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize