I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
