I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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