Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
