Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
