I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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