Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
