I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We got so high we made milksteak
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
