Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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