I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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