Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
