That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
