How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
