Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
