I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
