You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i came on her dog
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
