my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
