do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
