just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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