i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
home. puking in laundry basket.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
