i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
