Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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