I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
